Saudade
by seasaltmemories
Summary: The feeling of longing for something or someone that you love and which is lost


It was the fourth day someone had been knocking on her front door. Rin thought by now she would become desensitized to the noise, but her recent headache only amplified the annoyance. Whoever was outside seemed more persistent this time around and likely wouldn't be giving up any time soon. As painful as it was tearing herself away from her projects, Rin couldn't take it any more and answered the door with a snarl.

"What do you want?" It was one of the other girls who share her face, all dolled up in pink and pigtails. Just looking at her made Rin sick, but she figured she would only keep making a racket if she slammed the door on her.

"Jeez took you long enough." Now her name comes back to Rin: Yuzu. How could she forget it when it had been yelled so much? Yuzu, Yuzu, Yuzu. Ugh, she wanted to throw up.

"Why does it matter to you how long it takes me to get to the door? You don't have to be here."

"Excuse me for giving a damn about others."

"Nobody asked you to give one about me."

"Is it so bad that I wanted to check up on you to make sure you weren't _dead_ or something!" Immediately her face crumpled in horror at the realization of what she had said. It was almost worth the stab of pain that shot through Rin's heart.

"Rin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"Just go away. I don't want you here." There was only one person she wanted at this point, but he was never coming back.

"People say they haven't seen you out in weeks. You look like a mess. Are you taking care of yourself? When was the last time you've eaten?"

"I said I don't want you here!" She turned away, sick and tired of blue eyes staring at her like that. "It shouldn't even matter to you how I'm doing."

"Rin, I know what it's like but—"

Immediately, she pivoted back on her heel, golden eyes glaring with so much intensity, Yuzu took a step back.

"You have no right to talk as if you know what it's like. You still have _him_. He's safe and sound, and when you go home you can hug and tease each other and grow up together like you always have. You have an entire world waiting for you to return, but I have _nothing_ anymore!" For so long Rin had tried to be cool as ice and untouchable, but this girl kept making her want to burn until she was a raging inferno. "I had the least out of us four, but the universe took what little I had away from me, so don't you _dare_ say you know what it's like!"

Whatever self-control she had faded away as the tears came streaming down her face. She didn't want this. She didn't want this at all. No one but him should see her at her weakest, but Rin couldn't stop herself from melting.

"Rin—" Yuzu reached forward to comfort her, but she shook off her touch.

"I never told him," No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't keep her voice from cracking. "I never told him how much he meant to me. Even when he came across dimensions to save me, I still couldn't tell him, and now he's _gone_. Now he'll never know how much I—" She choked on her own words as another wave of sobs passed through her body. "You should go back home and forget about me. Love your Yugo while you still have the chance."

Things were silent for so long, Rin was sure she must have done just that, but then out of nowhere Yuzu spoke once more.

"I know I can never truly know what it's been like for you, but I know more than you think. When I was alone and had lost everything, Yugo took care of me and promised to make sure I was alright. And you know what he did during that entire time? He kept talking about a girl he treasured above all else and never missed a chance to describe her to me. So no, I don't know what it's been like for you, but I know for a fact that Yugo wouldn't want you to suffer like this."

It hurt. It hurt having to hear his name on someone else's lips, and it hurt knowing she was hurting him even now. Still the tears refused to stop falling.

"What kind of friend would I be to him if I didn't make sure you were ok? He took care of me, so no matter what I'm going to take care of you, even if that means dragging you to my dimension with my bare hands."

"But how can I abandon our home?" There were so many memories attached to this place, even if the Synchro Dimension itself had never given a damn about them. All those days spent constructing their D-wheel, evenings spent riding faster than the speed of life, and nights spent huddled under the covers together for warmth. No one but her remembered that anymore, and if she left those memories would be gone forever.

"I'm not asking you to leave this place forever. Please just hear me out," Yuzu extended her hand, "There are people who want to make sure you're safe just as much as I do. You don't have to stay with us forever. Please."

Rin felt like was she was breaking bit by bit, like she was the one being ripped into four.

"Do I deserve to be happy when he's gone?"

"Does that even matter? Yugo would have wanted you to be. Wouldn't you want the same if your roles were reversed?"

The candor of her statement shook Rin to the core. She was tired, so tired of waking up alone everyday with nothing but mechanic trinkets to keep her company.

"I would," She took Yuzu's hand. "I would do anything I could."

* * *

 **A.N. I really need to be stopped at some point, after my appleshipping piece last week, I thought just how would either of them cope with losing the other so whoops here it is**


End file.
